Smell ya later.

So, I've decided it is time for this little bloggie-blog, my blob, to come to an end.

'Randoms & Tantrums' began at the start of March 2011, and since then I have had a lot of fun drawing stupid pictures and raving like a lunatic, both as a means of catharsis for myself and hopefully some amusement for all of you. It has fulfilled its purpose and served me well. These last 12 -13 months were tumultuous to say the least and it was nice to have a place to come and unload. One of the best things about all this was random people just out of the blue coming up to me saying that they enjoy reading it!

But when thinking about my next post and the post after that, I came to the conclusion that a lot of it was just too tender for the harsh world out there. Its fine to vent about wedding craziness and unexplained weight gain, I would even go so far as to weigh the pros and cons of various mustache-removal products with you in this new journey I am about to embark upon. But the raging fury that was the catalyst for creating this outlet has subsided - something about adrenalin and testosterone... Plus I don't think I'm even half as stressed as I was at this time last year! (Pretty sure there's some kind of post-traumatic shit going on but I'm working it out...) All I want to talk about now are my feelings. BORING!

The world wide web is no place for my private parts, and lately it seems I have been censoring myself more and more in order that I not expose too much. I may be found rumaging around PCOS forums, maybe I'll even start something of my own (although I could never organize the functions - what would I serve for beverages when we are supposed to avoid sugar? I don't need those kind of questions keeping me up at night), but I think my time here is done. Fortunately, through this public over-sharing of my many misadventures I have realized I know some pretty awesome people, and they care about me! Did you know that if you actually talk about your troubles there are people in your life who will listen and support you? Apparently I'm still learning that.

So thanks to everyone for stopping by! Its been a real slice.

  

Diagnosis

I have been putting off writing this one. I hadn't decided if I was going to discuss it on a public forum at all. But I've been complaining about my health on here a lot, so since the Great Mystery Illness has finally been diagnosed I might as well share that here as well.

The problem is I have been vacillating pretty drastically between generally feeling optimistic to wallowing in self-pity. On a good day I am glad that I will now be able to begin a treatment plan and start taking those baby steps in the right direction; maybe even allow myself to feel hopeful about who a happy healthy me could be... Like at least now I know what's wrong and can be proactive about solutions. But on a pessimistic day, I envision my future like this:

I've been diagnosed with PCOS. It's named after one of its more visible symptoms - polycystic ovaries - but it is actually a hormonal imbalance. More specifically, it's having an excess of androgens (male sex hormones like testosterone). I'll use my most recent bloodwork as an example. Say the ratio of LH to FSH should be 1:1, imbalanced would be 3:1. My level was 5:1. What's funny is I just finished my first Anatomy course and actually know what all of these hormones do! Thats life for you.

But a lot of what has been going on health-wise over the past year makes SO much more sense now, there is a reason for all of it! It's been such a pain in the ass, but I'm glad that I harassed GPs and got second opinions and made them run tests and relied on my own instincts instead of allowing my concerns to be dismissed. And we've caught it before any of the really bad (bad as in horrifyingly embarassing) symptoms have had time to develop, so I try to tell myself that I'm ahead of the game. I found a really good article written by a dermatologist who has PCOS, she's honest and straightforward regarding what to expect but still manages to be humourous and optimistic about the whole thing. You can check it out here.

Its manageable. Thats the point. Yes, its life-long, and I will have to form my own posse of endocrinologists and technicians and dermatologists (and fertility specialists, if we decide that is something we want) - but its manageable. And its about time I started taking better care of myself anyways. Now I just have a good reason to go to the salon regularly, keep my cholesterol low and my blood sugar steady, go for walks, and get 8+ hours of sleep. Maybe once its under control I will feel better than I have in years! But since it is my life we're talking about I have to consider the possibility that it all goes to hell. Maybe I go bald and grow a beard. Maybe I do gain 160 pounds over the next two years and get the diabeetus. At least I'll have a good reason for that too...

*I've decided to leave comments open on this one, but since I know there are some poeple who will be tempted: Having been diagnosed by, and consulting with, actual experts - I do not require your "expert" medical opinion. However, soothing noises, supportive murmurs, and anecdotes about your mom's friend's sister with Happily-Ever-After endings are acceptable.

Turns Out I'm "That Girl"

The stupid one in scary movies that goes wandering through the house in the middle of the night in just her pajamas to investigate something suspicious.

I was startled awake just before three in the morning by the sound of glass breaking. Greg wasn't home and when I was jolted off my pillow by the loud crash I noticed that both the cats were still curled up at the end of the bed. So if it wasn't Greg tripping over something and it wasn't the cats getting into trouble like cats in the night sometimes do, what was it?

The cats jump down and wander over to the top of the stairs to take a look and I sit there in bed rubbing my eyes and listening...  all seems quiet. So then, for some reason (maybe because I haven't watched a scary movie recently) I decide to go have a little look-see myself. In my pajamas, with barefeet, and nothing to protect myself, and my phone laying on my nightstand upstairs.

So there I am creeping through the house, not turning on the lights (because I am one of those dumb people we all shout at in the movies), and I end up stepping on some glass in the kitchen. Apparently a couple of dishes had decided to commit suicide by throwing themselves off the counter in the middle of the night. I abandon my brief search to get a broom, sweep it all up and head back upstairs. I get up to the bedroom and sit down to see if I was cut by any of the glass, and then I hear the door open and shut.

I was just downstairs - I could have grabbed the bat in the front closet, or a knife from the kitchen drawer, or at least turned some lights on and taken a good look around. But because I would be "Girl Victim Number 3" in a horror flick, I did none of those things.

Fortunately, it was Greg that came up the stairs - trying to sneak in so as not to wake me up. So maybe its a good thing I wasn't armed after all.

Reason #185 Why I Love My Husband

(Maybe a little background first so this all makes a little more sense: I usually take my engagement ring off at night to sleep. My fingers swell at night, and also the blankets get caught up on my diamonds. So I keep the wedding band on but I put the engagement ring in its box on my nightstand.) 

Due to my body's continuing acts of mutiny, recently I've been feeling like a miserable unattractive old prune. Which, needless to say, has made me more than a little insecure.

But instead of being dismissive, or annoyed (which is what I would probably be), each morning this week my amazing and incredibly supportive husband has picked up my ring and held my hand and asked me to marry him. Being proposed to by the man I love before the sun is even up every morning is a fantastic start to what would have been some hard days.

The No Pants Dance



This.



Let me add my voice to the "Leggings Are Not Pants!!" chorus. I walked from my office to the bank downtown on my lunch (less than a block away) and saw three or four ladies who didn't feel like putting on pants this morning. Its zero degrees today btw.

The rule is: If your top isn't long enough to cover your fanny, it should not be worn with leggings.

Tall boots or winter boots do not make leggings and a too-short shirt okay. That chilly sensation your feeling isn't because your feet are not adequately insulated, its on account of the breeze blowing up your crack, because you're not wearing pants.

I hate this trend. It needs to die a shameful death - from hypothermia.

oh dear, may have just found my first grey hair...   D:

telling myself it is just a really really blond highlight, you know, from all the sunshine we've had this February....

will have Greg pick through my head like a monkey this weekend to ascertain if it is indeed a grey hair or not... while I weep quietly.

IT BEGINS! Eleanor Abernathy becomes Crazy Cat Lady



OMFG@$&?!%!SONOFA....!!! Rrrr!

A week later and I am still waiting for lab results that are supposed to take 24hrs to report. Maybe today the hopeless and jaw-grindingly idiotic receptionist will finally admit that she has lost them and I will get to do this all over again!!

It takes 3 appointments every time I need my bloodwork done: one appointment with the doc to get my requisition form, one appointment at the lab for the actual bloodwork, and another appointment with the doc to pick up my results. Like I've got nothing else to do during the day, you know besides school, a full-time job (at which I have been pulling over-time every week), and a two-hour bus commute to and from downtown. (And of course, eating, sleeping, and maybe a quick shower, but those are luxuries which I have pretty much given up on by now.)

It's hard enough to squeeze all those appointments in once in a month, and I am hanging on by a very thin thread. If I have to do it all over again because some stupid twit can't take a report out of a fax machine and place it in the appropriate file folder there is a definite possibility that I will finally and completely lose my shit.

The Waiting Game

January was the month of waiting. I feel like I spent the whole month holding my breath; patience as an extreme sport. Some of it panned out, some did not.

We finally moved into our house on the 29th. And we love it. It was exhausting and there is still a lot of work to be done. I managed to make it seven days without a functional shower in my home and didn't have a complete freak-out. Indoor plumbing is a beautiful thing. And I just figured out how to hang - and did hang - the rest of the curtains yesterday. (I guess an efficient way to introduce myself to the neighborhood was to live in a house with no curtains - although they might have gotten the wrong idea.) The house needs more than a bit of TLC but we are very happy there. And so are the cats. We all get some space to spread out.

I also (finally!) started my first online course on the 26th. It is hard to carve out the time and taking me longer to go through each unit than I thought it would (chalk that up to 9.5 hrs of work every day, a 2 hr/day bus commute, and a new house) but it feels good to at least be started. My brain is going to have to get back into school mode. It has been a while.

It is all a little bittersweet, an account of there being a couple of other things I was really working at/hoping for this month, that just never came to fruition. I guess you win some, you lose some (or some trite expression about timing).

I meant to take one last picture of Yard Toilet before we left the old place and I just never got around to it. Fortunately, (fortunately??), it was the same contractors working on these bathrooms so we had lots of new old toilets hanging around this place.

JuicyFruit makes me want to vomit!

So, a lady in the elevator behind me today was the loudest gum-chewer I have ever heard.

What made it even worse was that she started up a conversation with the person next to her while continuing the gum-chewing. I couldn’t see her (thank goodness) but just the sounds coming out of this woman’s mouth - the squishing and squelching and chewing and talking with this gob of gum rolling around and the saliva building up at the corners of her lips.... *shudder*

DIS-GUS-TING!  

I don’t know how the other person was able to carry on a conversation in the midst of this grotesque display.  

I hate gum. It completely grosses me out. I hate the feeling that there is something in your mouth and you can chew and chew and chew but it never goes away. It makes me want to gag just thinking about it. Its like a rubbery chew-toy for people. I hate that it makes people’s breath a too-strong smell that’s either like toothpaste or like a flavour.  Why would any adult want to smell like grape punch? And your car should smell like winter-green, not your tongue! Blech!

But that could just be my own personal neuroses. Here’s a reason that everyone can relate to: Why is it rude to talk and chew when there is food in your mouth but not gum? Its still talking, its still chewing! Its still me seeing something being rolled around on your tongue and squished between your teeth!

I could barf right now.

I was actually on Stephen Harper's side today. More defending Canada, please!

I have sort of purposely been ignoring my blog lately. I have a lot to talk about, its just nothing that can be publicly announced right now. Its hard to have a lot of stuff swirling around in my head and not be able to express it. Hopefully soon.

In the meantime, something I can talk about that is really becoming a bee in my bonnett is this outcry from "environmentalists" and certain loud-mouthed celebrities (who think being famous somehow makes their opinions worth hearing, even though they got famous by reading words and ideas from scripts somebody else has written) about Canada's filthy natural resources.

Besides the virulent campaign against Keystone (thanks for wimping out on that one, Obama) and Gateway (Kevin Bacon? Really??), 16x9 recently did a laughably one-sided, completely unsubstantiated "exposé" on the dangerous effects of fracking and the negative effect Canada's oil and gas industry is having on ourselves and our environment. And that one really pissed me off. Safety standards in Canada today are the best they've ever been. And do people actually think they can reasonably argue that it is better to get oil from the Middle East than from Canada? Yeah, we'll threaten nuclear war with Iran over it, but a pipeline from Canada? No, that's just dangerous! I couldn't get over how irresponsible it was of a Canadian program to visciously lampoon Canadian resources, especially in the midst of such ill-informed protest and blustery complaining from our neighbours to the south.

The fact is, all Canadians benefit from the Canadian oil and gas industry; it would be ignorant and irresponsible to argue otherwise, and only acts as fodder for those in opposition: "See! Even Canadians don't like Canadian oil and gas!"

I think, if 16x9 really had those concientious citizen's best interests in mind, they should have spent the last segment of the show educating them on how to grow their own lettuce, carve a bicycle out of wood, and make yarn from wool to knit some long-johns for those cold winter nights. And that goes for anyone else who thinks Canada's incredible resources are dirty and unimportant.

UPDATE:
Okay so pretty much immediately after I publish this post I see on the news there was an explosion in Innisfail today. Apparently they were fracking too close to an oil drilling site and the pressure caused the well to blow up. Oh boy. Obviously there are some problems here too. But its still safer and cheaper than oil from the Middle East!

I'm thinking maybe people want the benefits they perceive they would get from controversial things (war, manufacturing using what basically amounts to slave-labour at factories in developing countries, oil and other resources) but they don't want them going down on home turf. Out of sight, out of mind? Hm.