I Would Have Done That

Over the last decade I have had a lot of housemates. I have had some wonderful, amazing housemates with whom I have forged tight bonds and still am close friends with to this day. I have also had roommates from hell. I could start a whole other blog called “Roommates From Hell” and fill it with outrageous anecdotes. I’ve lived with a lot of people who “would have” cleaned the bathroom, or “would have” thrown out their garbage. I lived with one roommate who I can only assume was doing a study on the breeding habits of the millipedes who took up residence under his plates in the kitchen, otherwise he “would have” done the dishes. Home is not the only place I hear this useless and ridiculous sentiment, but it is where I learned to loathe it.

I am expecting somebody to do something. They tell me they will do it. I wait and wait for them to do it. I finally do it for them. Then they come in and see it is done, or see me doing it, and say “Oh, you didn’t have to do that, I would have.”

No. Who are you lying to – me or yourself? If you were actually going to do it then you would have done it. You were given plenty of time to do it, and I know that because I didn’t want to do it and was putting it off hoping you would eventually get around to it. And if you really feel bad that I ended up doing it, how is saying “I would have done that” supposed to make anybody feel better? “Oh, really? Well in that case, thank you so much! Your good intentions made the work a breeze!”

As a good friend of mine likes to say – don’t piss on my shoes and tell me its raining. How about next time, spare me the bullshit and just get it done.