What's In A Name

Leading up to the wedding, I was asked a lot if I was going to change my name once I was married. If you asked me in my early twenties when I was still all fired up and "damn the man!" and quoting passages from the Vagina Monologues as a personal mantra, I would have said no to name-changing. (In fact, I would have told you I had never planned on getting married but that's a story for another day.) I've chilled out a bit over the last decade. And being engaged for eighteen months gave me a lot of time to think about identity, to think about marriage, to think about family - to think about names.

I like my name. It's a good solid name. Its unique without being awkward. I like the people it connects me to. I will miss it. But I will be changing it, and yesterday I finally mailed the paperwork to get the name-changing ball rolling. I'm not sure why I was hesitating, I guess I knew I would get around to it eventually and with everything I have had to do since getting back and settling in to married life, it hasn't really seemed like a huge priority. And honestly it is a huge hassle. It's not just filing your marriage papers and walking away with a new name. Once I get our certificate back I have change to my license, my passport, my health card info, my credit card, my bank cards, my cheques, my insurance, my hyrdo and electric, cable and various other bills, my emails, my work/payroll info etc. etc...  And who has time for all that?! There is an argument to be made for having the same last name as your children, but we don't have children. We have cats. And seriously, the longer that I keep my 'old' name the less I seem to care about changing it, so I feel like I should get it done now while I still feel motivated.

So why am I doing it?

Because I don't have to worry about my old family name dying out with me. Other members are producing offspring, the family name will carry on.

Because he has a good last name too. It has history, its old and solid while still being unique, like mine.

Because I like the family that it comes with. I like the people it connects me to. I like the feeling that I am a member of this particular family, and the bond that it creates.

Because I'm in this with both feet, I don't need to hold on to it as some sort of back door in case this doesn't work out. And hyphenated names sound stupid. I'm sorry but they do! Ours would sound especially ridiculous.

Because really, what's in a name? I'm 50% my mother and 50% my father. Do women realize when they are keeping "their" name, they are only holding onto their father's and the only reason they have that name is because their mother gave up hers when she got married? Wouldn't it be taking more of a 'stand' to keep your mother's maiden name?

Because I honestly don't think its that big a deal. I have nothing to prove. I'm unapologetically independent. I am strong as a woman and equal in my partnership; I don't feel a need to hold onto a surname as some sort of statement of rebellion against an oppressive patriarchal system.

Because it means something to him and he means a lot to me. If I really don't care either way, then why not change it. Yes, its a ton of paperwork and pretty inconvenient, but I've done stupider things for love.


* I know its a controversial issue, I'm not trying not to get political here and I'm not trying to start something. I'm just sharing my own personal reasons as to why I decided to make the switch.