Working on my Fitness

Yesterday I got home from work and I knew supper was a couple hours away. I wanted a snack. And there were so many goodies to choose from. I decided to be healthy and have strawberries. But you know what goes really good with strawberries? Two-bite brownies. So I had about four of those. (You know, making healthy choices is hard when you are out of the house twelve hours a day and don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on food! A McBurger satisfies my hunger and costs two bucks.)

Yesterday I got home from work and I planned on heading right back out to the gym. But I was exhausted, and cranky, and cold, and hungry, and knew the gym would be packed at six o'clock on a Tuesday. So I ate my strawberries and brownies tucked under my blankets in bed and started watching a new series about Zombies. And I was so cozy by the time the first show was over that I watched another one. The Zombie Apocalypse is so much more interesting than the treadmill at the gym. Of course, by then it was getting late and there was still dinner to make and chores to do before bed.

And then... the GUILT MONSTER Rrrraawrrr! It's hard to stay on the fitness wagon. Shouldn't I be able to give myself a break without feeling like a total failure? Nope! Not if I want to get in shape! Starting a gym membership makes you feel bad about yourself in entirely new and twisted ways.

Sidewalk Etiquette

First of all, if anyone has not seen The Oatmeal's Minor Differences comic about motorists cutting each other off versus pedestrians cutting each other off, you need to go check it out here:

http://theoatmeal.com/panel/minor_differences?f0=motorists-jpg&f1=pedestrians-jpg

While I'm not prone to road rage, I do get some sidewalk rage. Especially working in a busy downtown core, people sauntering completely oblivious to the flow of traffic can really grind my gears. Here's my shortlist: 

• Ping-Ponging: These people meander back and forth looking anywhere except straight ahead. They are impossible to pass without bumping into because just when you think they are far enough away on a diagonal trajectory to get by them, they suddenly swing back the other way inevitably cutting you off. (You'd think since they are looking around they would notice that you would like to get by, but nope, they don't.)
• Sidewalk Hogging: These people like to all walk side by side, even if there are three, four or five of them in a group (two large people is more common and just as bad). They also typically move very slowly - maybe you have to walk that slowly to stay synchronized. Also very difficult to pass. You may even have to detour slighty to get around them. (Or start singing the Red Rover song then burst through the line - I have not tried this.) 
• Sudden Stopping: These people have been walking along together having a conversation and realize they are about to part ways, or reach their destination, before the conversation is over. So, they stop. Suddenly. Right where they were walking. No moving to the side to make room for everybody else walking directly behind them who would like to continue on. It doesn't seem to matter that they are at the bottom of an escalator, or in a doorway, or right in the middle of the sidewalk/path/hallway etc. 
• Tail-Gaiting: This one might just be me, so I put it at the bottom. But I have a significant personal space bubble and nothing creeps me out more than someone walking right behind me. If they are passing me that is fine, but its when someone parks right on my heels and I can feel my hair move when they cough on the back of my neck... gives me the heebe-geebes. Plus I get really self-conscious that they are staring at my bum. There's lots of sidewalk - go find your own.  

Is there anything I missed?

**There may have been one or two incidents when I was practically climbing out of my car window to shout vulgarities at a fellow motorist, totally his fault, but typically I find that level of road rage just plain ridiculous. When I see people honking and screaming and ramming each other during morning rush hour I wonder - how can you be that angry already?? Its 7 a.m! There will be plenty of stuff to piss you off in the next 12 hours. Relax and drink your coffee. One time I cut somebody off, totally my fault, and he drove by me, for real no kidding, shaking his fist in the air at me. ("Shake harder, boy!") And then looked completely dumb-founded when I burst out laughing. It makes me think of this:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/GrCYX5lxVQo?rel=0



Forever Winter

I know we are all getting sick of the complaining, but I am so sick of this winter!!! Enough already!

Seriously, yesterday it occured to me, wearing a short-sleeved shirt outside is some completely bizarre and totally foreign concept. I saw them folded in my drawer, and I honestly wondered for a second why I have them. Do I wear these?? I have no recollection of a time when waking up and heading outside would not require at least three layers.

I'm trying to picture my trip to sunny Arizona next month (where it is hot Hot HOT!) and I actually can't imagine wearing next to nothing. Won't my skin be cold? I still carry around my mittens in my pockets.

A little S.A.D. anyone?

Zumba Zumba Zumba

You know what doesn't grind my gears? ZUMBAAAA!!

I went to my first Zumba class the other day with a friend of mine, who I was very grateful to have for moral support, and I had a BLAST!

I know I looked a fool, jumping and gyrating awkwardly, with sweat dripping down my back and a huge dumb grin plastered to my face. But it made me remember how much I missed dancing.

I don't go to clubs. Nowadays it only reminds me of how young I used to be. I end up feeling wildly out of place, or like some cougar trying to re-live my youth. I've had my party days and I have no interest in re-visiting them. (And getting hit on by some 19 yr old makes me feel like a perv.) But I used to love to grab a good friend, go out and just dance -close my eyes and feel the beat and dance and dance and dance. Its hard to explain the euphoria, but it was like nothing in the world mattered. And I had forgotten how much I missed that release.

I found it again in a small Zumba class led by the exuberant and flamboyant Franco, who could shake it in a way no man should be able to. And it felt fantastic.

Pregnant?

This one isn't just for me, but also for all my lady friends out there dealing with the same thing. The "oooooooh, maybe you're pregnant?" query that we all have to deal with anytime we are bloated/cranky/tired/nauseous/peeing/sore/wearing purple on a weekday etc... This one really gets my goat. Maybe that's why people like to ask it so much.

So here is a list of some "symptoms" people like to point out to me and their corresponding non-baby-related reasons:

Weight-Gain
-I have gained 20 lbs in less than twelve months. Its not baby-weight. Its fat. I joined the gym, leave me alone.

Frequent Peeing
-I was recently told I have 50% of the amount of water in my body that I should have. My anxiety causes excess sweating and increases the frequency of urination. Now I am supposed to drink 4-6 litres of water a day. It makes me pee a lot.

Nausea/Dizzy-Spells
-I am not a morning person - getting out of bed at six in the morning is enough to make me nauseous. Also: spending the next twelve to thirteen hours stressed out and running around like a mad-woman; eating irregularly or not eating at all; dehydration; low blood pressure; not getting enough sleep; depression; anxiety.

Fatigue
See above. In addition, at the end of every long day, dragging my expanding ass to the gym.

Forgetfulness/Mood Swings/Irritability
Depression; anxiety; stress; being too freaking busy to remember every single detail of every single thing and raging at anybody who makes this more difficult/adds to my to-do list/gets in my way.

(**Yep, as you can see, I'm pretty much the most desirable woman on the planet)

Hopefully my own personal reasons, and so so many more that somebody else might have which would be much much worse (infertility, recent miscarriage, use your own imagination), are enough to illustrate that asking somebody if they are "with child" is a very personal and potentially weighty question. And should not be considered idle chatter >> Do you know if its going to rain tomorrow? What are the intimate details of your reproductive system and current sexual relationship?

When somebody thoughtlessly and flippantly suggests, to me, the possibility that I am pregnant, without knowing anything about me personally at all, I am always tempted to respond with something along the lines of, "No, why? How often do you engage in unprotected sex?" Maybe I should go into exhaustive detail about my menstrual cycle, since that is really what they're asking about, is it not? Would they think that was inapproriate? Well so was the question!