They're not track marks, I swear.

Within a time period of about 5 weeks I will have:

-had one IV 'placed' (and by placed I more accurately mean jabbed into the crook of my arm - there was literally blood spurting all over myself and the bed, which apparently "happens sometimes")

-had multiple vials of blood taken on two separate occasions,

-been given three injections, and 

-done one skin test.

I seriously feel like if they keep poking all these holes in me I might spring a leak.

What's In A Name

Leading up to the wedding, I was asked a lot if I was going to change my name once I was married. If you asked me in my early twenties when I was still all fired up and "damn the man!" and quoting passages from the Vagina Monologues as a personal mantra, I would have said no to name-changing. (In fact, I would have told you I had never planned on getting married but that's a story for another day.) I've chilled out a bit over the last decade. And being engaged for eighteen months gave me a lot of time to think about identity, to think about marriage, to think about family - to think about names.

I like my name. It's a good solid name. Its unique without being awkward. I like the people it connects me to. I will miss it. But I will be changing it, and yesterday I finally mailed the paperwork to get the name-changing ball rolling. I'm not sure why I was hesitating, I guess I knew I would get around to it eventually and with everything I have had to do since getting back and settling in to married life, it hasn't really seemed like a huge priority. And honestly it is a huge hassle. It's not just filing your marriage papers and walking away with a new name. Once I get our certificate back I have change to my license, my passport, my health card info, my credit card, my bank cards, my cheques, my insurance, my hyrdo and electric, cable and various other bills, my emails, my work/payroll info etc. etc...  And who has time for all that?! There is an argument to be made for having the same last name as your children, but we don't have children. We have cats. And seriously, the longer that I keep my 'old' name the less I seem to care about changing it, so I feel like I should get it done now while I still feel motivated.

So why am I doing it?

Because I don't have to worry about my old family name dying out with me. Other members are producing offspring, the family name will carry on.

Because he has a good last name too. It has history, its old and solid while still being unique, like mine.

Because I like the family that it comes with. I like the people it connects me to. I like the feeling that I am a member of this particular family, and the bond that it creates.

Because I'm in this with both feet, I don't need to hold on to it as some sort of back door in case this doesn't work out. And hyphenated names sound stupid. I'm sorry but they do! Ours would sound especially ridiculous.

Because really, what's in a name? I'm 50% my mother and 50% my father. Do women realize when they are keeping "their" name, they are only holding onto their father's and the only reason they have that name is because their mother gave up hers when she got married? Wouldn't it be taking more of a 'stand' to keep your mother's maiden name?

Because I honestly don't think its that big a deal. I have nothing to prove. I'm unapologetically independent. I am strong as a woman and equal in my partnership; I don't feel a need to hold onto a surname as some sort of statement of rebellion against an oppressive patriarchal system.

Because it means something to him and he means a lot to me. If I really don't care either way, then why not change it. Yes, its a ton of paperwork and pretty inconvenient, but I've done stupider things for love.


* I know its a controversial issue, I'm not trying not to get political here and I'm not trying to start something. I'm just sharing my own personal reasons as to why I decided to make the switch.

One of these things is not like the other...

Amanda Knox                            Casey Anthony

If you pay attention to the news or pop culture at all you know who these two women are. They have both been through very public trials, each one having been charged with a murder. They both have had their entire lives - their families, their childhoods, their 'partying' days, their lifestyles, their secrets, their mistakes - revealed to the world and picked apart in microscopic detail under the unflattering light of a bare bulb. They both spent time in jail. And they both have recently been exonerated. 

The difference is that one of these women came home to a hero's welcome and is expected to quickly become a millionare; the other has been declared a villian by the public and will probably spend the rest of her life hiding out in Florida somewhere.

It leaves me wondering about the two similar women, the two similar stories, the two similar verdicts and the two drastically different outcomes.

Both of these young ladies were aquitted because, according to a judge, there were enough holes in the prosecution's case to cast a reasonable amount of doubt. The exact details at the time of death are sketchy in both cases. A lot of the evidence is circumstantial.

Let's take a bird's eye view: 

Although she did provide conflicting statements, Casey swears she wasn't there the day her child died, that she has no idea what happened that day.

Did Casey Anthony have something to do with it? Yeah, probably. 

Where was she when it happened? Nobody knows for sure.

Is she lying to protect herself? Prosecutors felt they could prove that she was. 

Although she did provide conflicting statements, Amanda swears she wasn't there the night her roommate was brutally assaulted, raped and murdered, that she has no idea what happened that night.

Did Amanda Knox have something to do with it? Yeah, probably.

Where was she when it happened? Nobody knows for sure.
 Is she lying to protect herself? Prosecutors felt they could prove that she was.

These women have both been found innocent.

It seems to me like public opinion hinges on how the media chose to present each of them. For the masses, Amanda Knox is fashioned in the media as a mistreated victim, a beleaguered hero and so that is how she will be treated, while Casey Anthony is painted as a selfish, irresponsible, unfit mother and deserves to be treated as a social pariah for the rest of her life.

How can audiences be outraged by one and not the other? Or sympathetic enough to look the other way in one circumstance, but not the other? Do audiences do whatever Nancy Grace tells them to because they just want her to stop yelling? Does no one take a step back and actually utilize some critical thinking skills?

Maybe we will never know what really happened. I'm sick of hearing about both of them. All we know for sure is that the life of a young Meredith Kercher and an even younger Caylee Anthony was tragically cut short. Why isn't our focus on them? On offering support to the families of the real victims here? 

"Why you have to go and make things so complicated..."

Well I was asking for it. Things just got a hell of a lot more convoluted. I have a seemingly pathological tendency to make my life unnecessarily complicated. I would like to say that it is unintentional; there is enough evidence to support that I come by this predilection genetically. At least then I would have some sort of excuse. At any rate, here I am again.

Will discuss more later, from a distance.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat

Lately I've been feeling like every day is the same day.

Wake up, go to work, get home 11 hours later, feed the cats, change the litter, wash the dishes from last night's dinner, start tonight's dinner, eat, watch a show or two, fall asleep on my face by 9:30.

Wake up the next day, go to work, get home 11 hours later, feed the cats, change the litter, wash the dishes from last night's dinner, start tonight's dinner, eat, watch a show or two, fall asleep on my face by 9:30.

Repeat precisely. Ad nauseum. I could time it down to the minute, but if it bores me to tears it would probably make you want to rip your eyes out/never come here again.

It's such a routine that I wonder if I've been so forgetful lately simply because each day blurs into the next and is the same as the one before it.

And is it deja-vu I experience or is it that I was in that exact same place doing that exact same thing so many times before.

I feel like maybe I should be trying to start something new, but I've honestly been afraid of what stirring the pot might bring up. And then I wonder if maybe I should just enjoy it before the next shit-storm starts. It never rains but it pours as they say. But what it is called when the sailors were stuck on their ships with no wind? Nevermind, I googled it. The Doldrums.